I give up

I'm tired of fighting. So this is to announce that from now on I believe the following:

-The King James Version of the Bible is the inerrant word of God.
-Abortion is murder.
-Global warming is a hoax.
-HIV does not cause AIDS.
-Valerie Plame was not a covert agent.
-Saddam had WMD.
-Saddam helped plan 9/11.
-The minimum wage hurts the poor.
-George W. Bush is a Texas rancher.
-Bill and Hillary Clinton killed Vince Foster.
-Tom Cruise is not gay.
-Gay sex is indistinguishable from rape, incest and bestiality.
-Iraq is not in the middle of a civil war.
-$9 billion missing in Iraq is no big deal.
-George W. Bush is the reason we haven't had a terrorist attack since 9/11.
-Ann Coulter is funny, sexy, and correct.
-Michael Moore is a holocaust denier.
-Hybrid cars are dangerous because they are too quiet.
-Anyone who criticizes the Iraq war or the President is a traitor.
-The more guns we have, the safer we are.

If more revelations come to me, I'll add them. Thanks for your attention.